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Questionable

Many times before any major or even minor event in my life I always have the “What if” questions. Most of my questions are based on the negative side of things. For example, if something goes wrong will I have an answer of how to fix it. I don’t usually ask people for help and that can be a good and bad thing. Bad part is I  never learn the right way or I let my pride take over. Good part I can work independently, and my resume even says so. Being successful at everything would be like heaven I suppose. I am not one to go outside of the box of the unknown. Trying to do something I am unsuccessful at causes me to be self conscious. One hick up I can say I most recently attempted was baking. Even though they were eaten they were the ugliest cupcakes I have ever seen. Now when I bought the stuff to bake these cupcakes I knew I should buy lots of icing to cover them up.

For my future and the questions that weigh on me now I would ask myself , Do you think you can make it as a nurse? I have pondered over this question as I have watched my coworkers. I see myself making it, getting my degree but past that I am not sure if I will be good at it. My coworkers like there job but don’t always seem enthusiastic. Will I even be enthusiastic about it by the time I get there. Because I work in the hospital now I feel burnt out already. I want to be a nurse but I also want to be a good nurse. I have asked my coworkers what they first thought of me when I started a year ago,they felt I was a loner because I never really spoke to them. Yes I am shy at first it takes time to come out of my shell.

Another question is, where will I be, Who is with me, and am I happy. Palm readers really messed me up when I was younger, now all I want to know is the future . I heard once that why would you want know the future there wouldn’t be any surprises.

Life for me is a series of questions. The fear of the unknown. I know with god in my life the unanswered question is there for a reason.

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