Its hard to get your day going when you have heavy thoughts on your mind. I found myself just wanting to give up and stop fighting. I didn’t clean, I didn’t get my school work done I just wanted to slip away into a dark hole. So I grabbed a blanket and went to sleep.
Granted I know this is not the behavior of a fighter. The fighter I know I can be when I want something bad enough that I don’t let things get in my way. I have racked my brain of how could we possibly still keep our home thinking of every possible way but honestly some say if its ment to be then it will happen. Yes this is true, however if it was just me and my husband then fine.. But its my kids.
My son is finally at a school that is willing to work with him, he was born too early and has been delayed all his life and I have finally found loving, hard working teachers who want to help him succeed and he is. My daughter the oldest finally has a best friend who she loves playing with at school and on the weekends. My third daughter is doing so well, she can write the word love. A mother can only hope to have these things and I have them here in my small town. A town I call home.
So why not find another home where you can live? Right. Wrong! We live in the country, homes are hard to find here and people don’t leave because its country. The country is peace and freedom and type of living that can be rugged and dirty, but offers a beauty that you can only dream of. This is Gods country, the sky is pink, purple and blue in the mornings, the sunset sets paint the blue sky orange and when I look out my window I can see as far as the eye can see. Just amazing beauty. This isn’t the life for most, but for us this is a dream come true.
It literally feels as though my world is crashing down in front of my eyes in slow motion. Everyone is feeling the effects of what is to come and we have no way to stop it. The unknown is so hard to fix, and maybe I am not supposed to. When your landlord goes bankrupt how can you fix that. We want to buy this house, but the timing is all wrong. The uncertainty and the possibilities are there but they are fogged over with my tears that just won’t stop even when I try to put on a happy face. This pit in my stomach is killing me, and even though I scream out God Why! I know that is the wrong question. These past few days have been hard on all of us, I’m storming heaven and determined to stay here I just wish, I just pray, I just do what I can to keep my family together. God gives us what we need, he will provide and he will be there no matter what. My faith will never leave me, because I made from God. I am one of Gods children. Believe Believe .. Help is coming.
Hope you have a blessed day.